We’re about to reopen the abortion debate and review of Roe v. Wade. Our nation doesn’t need a polarized Supreme Court review that will please nobody.

At issue: Is a fertilized egg a human being with a soul,- or is it living tissue that under some circumstances can become a human being and gain a soul along the way? Other divisive issues like gun control, global warming, and the superiority of the New York Yankees, can be analyzed with science and statistics. Not so with the beginning of life and souls. We’ll resolve abortion by lambasting, denigrating and eliminating our fellow human opponents.

Feminists will see the dispute as women against The Monolithic Patriarchy:

“First they commit incest against us, or rape us and impregnate us. Then they force us into pregnancy and demand we carry the fetus in our bodies for nine months! All this with no regard for our consent… and then they make it the law of the land.”

On the other side we have the “Patriarch Oppressors”. They’re convinced there’s only one choice: Their way.

“After all girls, the Pope, God and Tammy Fey Baker all agree we’re right. Abortion sure looks like killing to us! Who are you to go up against the Pope and Tammy Fey?

Come to think of it, if the Patriarchs believe their position is impregnable, why stop there? If abortion after conception is murder, what about before conception? If killing a fetus equates to a hit job, only after the sperm cell and egg cells join, what about before? The poor sperm and egg cells might ask,

“Why’s the law on our side only after we join?  We deserve the same legal protection before we meet?  We have the same exact potential to become human beings before as after.”

I say throw the book at every heartless woman who allows a living egg to perish as it’s flushed down the toilet? And why can men permit their seed to give up the ghost, when it could result in conception? These men and women should be cuffed, booked and sent to the slammer. And no exceptions for wet dreams!

These egg and seed killers are a threat to society. They decimate our future unborn generations. Yet these people are allowed to wander the streets like little Pol Pots or Himmlers? This is not funny. We should do something about it!

OOOPS. As one of the patriarch oppressors and chauvinist myself, of course I was only kidding about locking up the men.