AFTER GREENLAND, NORTH POLE, NORTH KOREA, THE WORLD
Sunny people smile. They chat easily. They linger.
Statistics show we Americans are headed the other way—toward grim, clenched-jaw seriousness. At this rate, we’ll never get Greenland.
The United Nations ranks the happiness of 157 nations. Denmark and its Scandinavian cousins sit smugly at the top. Meanwhile, we—armed with the world’s largest GDP, elite universities, Las Vegas, Hollywood, and bacon cheeseburgers—can’t crack the top ten.
In 2025 we limped in at 13th, behind Bhutan.
Bhutan.
Let that sink in. Taciturn Norsemen huddled under snowbanks and Buddhist monks without streaming subscriptions are officially happier than us—the chosen people of Amazon Prime.
If we ever hope to pry Greenland away from Denmark, the 63,000 Greenlanders must want to join us. And for that to happen, we must prove we can do “jolly” as well as anyone—without yanking Denmark off the happiness podium.
So what’s the plan?
How do we demonstrate that we’re as joyful as the Bhutanese?
FIRST JOLLY STEP: TALK TO EACH OTHER
Everyone except Americans knows that strong interpersonal relationships sit at the top of the happiness chart.
How do we fix this? Easy.
Put AT&T in charge of getting humans to talk again. Not text. Not DM. Not send emojis that vaguely resemble emotions.
Tax TikTok, Meta, and social media out of existence. Replace them with “Chatty Benches” in every national park, as they’ve done in England—benches that politely shame you into conversation with strangers.
SECOND JOLLY STEP: FEEL NEEDED
Happiness collapses when we feel optional.
We thrive when a spouse, a grandchild, a garden, or even a slightly hostile houseplant needs us. Retirement doesn’t make people miserable—irrelevance does.
Who could help with this?
How about the IRS? A little gratitude for the billions we mail them each year wouldn’t hurt. A handwritten note. A smiley face. Something.
THIRD JOLLY STEP: GRATITUDE
Gratitude is the cheapest mood-enhancing drug on Earth. No prescription required.
It turns the humdrum into the fortunate. The ordinary into the miraculous.
Surely one of our pharmaceutical giants could bottle it. I’d take a Gratitudol twice a day.
FOURTH JOLLY STEP: HUMOR
Humor is the shock absorber for the potholes of advanced life.
My mother used to say, “The almonds of life arrive when you’re toothless.”
Painful. True. And hilariously ironic.
If we ever want to contend for the Happiness World Series, we should draft professional humorists the way other countries draft engineers.
FIFTH JOLLY STEP: CURIOSITY
An inquiring mind keeps expanding the dimensions of life.
Not every discovery brings happiness—but a static, sterile mind doesn’t bring much of anything. Curiosity keeps the lights on.
Those are my Big Five.
(I welcome rebuttals—cheerful ones only.)
Once we establish ourselves as happier than Denmark, Greenlanders will yearn to join us. And if we throw in tickets to Disneyland or Vegas, we might even attract Cubans and North Koreans.
Now that would be a diplomatic breakthrough—accomplished entirely with smiles.
Categories: Humor
I was in my early 70’s, retired and bored. My neighbor, a wise lady ten years my senior taught me without ever saying a word that the path to happiness is feeling needed. So, we set off to start a public classical school together with other bored retirees. Our tuition free, open admission school now serves some 360 children. Two of us have now passed away but all of us would agree that this endeavor was one of the most fulfilling of our lives. Leo the Late Bloomer.
Excellent post and I fully agree with the program. My granddaughter has me laughing at full steam and it makes us both happy.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find laughing almond emojis so I will have to simply say, thanks. V
The ‘big five’ are great new years’ resolutions!!
Thank you!!!
Also, go to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. There you will be amazed at experiencing what “The Friendly Confines” are all about. And as a bonus, how clean this venue is. Guaranteed to make you come away with a smile.