Like everyone else, we octogenarians struggle to keep up with the times. My sister looks on the Dave Chapelle and Netflix brouhaha and sees an opportunity. Comedian Chapelle recently observed boys are boys and girls are girls. He didn’t intend it as a polarizing statement, but Dave’s actual words were;
“Gender is a fact.”
All hell broke loose. The gay Netflix folk felt the company should cancel Dave’s contract because his words were homophobic at best and hinted at genocidal tendencies. He was nullifying all who choose to self-identify. In an egalitarian society, “Nobody should be imprisoned in the gender they were born to when surgical procedures can erase the tell-tale evidence. Ergo, gender is a choice; and stuff your facts”, the protestors seemed to be saying.
Ergo my sister, in her 80’s, decided to self-identify as 19.
We remind her that by so self-identifying, she’s probably violating the laws of nature as well as Massachusetts. Nature may be forgiving, but our state statute is uncompromising: At 19, she is underage, and finishing her Chablis glass is a crime. By permitting her to sip, her family also become “perps” for contributing to the delinquency of an (octogenarian) minor.
Sis is anything but dogmatic. She instantly beats the rap and finishes the Chablis by re-identifying to 21 years old.

At first, I laughed with Chapelle and agreed. Now I’m aware of the advantage of such a broadminded way of thinking: 70 years ago, Mom looked me in the eye and said, “Son, you can be anything you want to be.” Well who am I to go against mothers and sisters? Ergo, I chose to self-identify as the Greek god Adonis with a full head of hair and killer abs. Accordingly, you will acknowledge with deference that I have a heavenly physique and god-like face, regardless of evidence to the contrary.
I’m serious! Failure to do so earns you a fist full of raining thunderbolts!

Categories: Humor

1 reply

  1. i like this. My brain self-identifies as age 25. OTOH my body tells me “You can be any mental age you want, but I am ultimately in charge! You don’t believe me? How then do you explain the insufferable aches and pains I throw your way every morning?”

Share a comment