This is unbelievable! Those innovative British have done it again. After giving the world the Industrial Revolution, steam engines, textiles power looms/flying shuttles/ spinning frames,

now what have they done? it is the

‘Chatty Bench”!

The cabinet-level Minister of Loneliness in London now urged his country’s National Parks to install benches labeled

    “Sit Here if you wish to chat with bypassers”

 My smutty mind gravitates back to the weekly TV skits of park bench couple Gladys and Tyrone on the Laugh-In comedy series. Dirty old man Arte Johnson would shower forlorn pocketbook-swinging Ruth Buzzi with inappropriate remarks.

Loneliness Minister of England, Stuart Andrews is less interested in smut than the annual British death rate caused by loneliness. It causes more deaths than terrorists or intruders and results in the cancer equivalent to your smoking 15 cigarettes per day.  Worse yet it increases the risk of strokes, heart disease and suicide.

The Chatty Bench is a lifesaving remedy. Whereas many once gathered in church, men’s clubs, bowling leagues, and civic organizations, today they sit at home self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. The park bench offers both retired and younger people a chance to meet, interface, and share commonalities.

Lest you think less of Minister Andrews, Sweden, Australia, and Japan are all taking similar anti-loneliness steps. You who are rushing between your bowling league and church do not experience unhealthy bouts of loneliness and don’t spend sleepless nights thinking about park benches. However, if you’re a U.S. citizen here’s a thought to ponder:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the city of Washington D.C., judging from the percentage of people living alone, is the Loneliness Center of the Nation. Do you want to be governed by such an isolated, suicide-prone crew? Follow the Brits. Get our leaders a Chatty Bench quickly. No it is not a big deal like the steam engine, but you might sleep better. And you’ll be 15 fewer cigarettes healthier.

Categories: Humor

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