Yes we need conflict resolution experts, but a bit of levity can help

My wife and I concur that no medical breakthrough saved more lives than sanitary waste disposal (the flush pot). 

Nevertheless, that invention is a mixed blessing and comes with a price.

Facing up to the flush

Last week, she accused me of “Improper flushing technique.” 

 “My flushing is just fine,” I told her. “When necessary, a full tank flush is appropriate, but press the handle halfway down for a quick whiz and quickly release. “

“Ney, ney,” comes the immediate reply. Somehow, she looks at the crystal-clear spring water and detects a hint of yellow. 

She is adamant, “The sanitation of our house requires nothing less than a full tank flush.”  

A lengthy discussion followed, but the essence was this: I’m a grown adult and a father with standing in the community. I was recognized with a lifetime achievement award by my car club and had a multimillion-dollar company with hundreds of employees. People still look up to me. I look up to myself as a refined guy. I sip fine wine, read the New Yorker magazine, and have climbed all the ladder rungs. Yet, today, I feel potty bowel discussions are incompatible with my status? 

 Of course, I respect the woman of a house must have standards of cleanliness and family hygiene. But not for nothing do we husbands have our own standards of dignity. I don’t wish to sound like a jerk-male-chauvinist, but our standards are legitimate too! 

What about the rest of the world beyond the bathroom?

Could Columbus and Magellan have planned their discoveries of the globe while enduring flush debates? What about Napoleon? Isn’t it possible the emperor flubbed his big day at Waterloo, distracted by Josephine’s potty discussion?

After a lifetime of consideration, I conclude this discussion, like so many of today’s differences, is best reconciled in humor.